Demonising mothers

I only buy the newspapers on weekends and don’t often get to watch the television news, so I rely on internet sites to keep me up-to-date. I check the ABC / Australian / Courier Mail website a few times a day for breaking news. The Courier Mail website allows readers to comment on / respond to stories – some newsworthy, some not and some sensationalised (welcome to the media!).

I am gobsmacked, however, over three separate responses over the past two weeks.

The first incident, which was widely reported, involved a mother leaving her baby in a vehicle in the driveway of a business, while she stepped away briefly (into an office to pay a bill). I gather she left the keys in the ignition in order to leave the air-conditioning running in the car.

I agree that it was a silly thing to do, but few women could claim they have never left a sleeping child in a car in (what they assume to be) a safe place. Of course this whole thing came to the attention of the public when the car (with the child in) was stolen. Fortunately, once the unsuspecting thief realised he / she was kidnapping, they left the vehicle. The child was safe and all was well. You would think that everyone would be relieved that it ended well, acknowledge that the mother did something she regretted, but learned her lesson.

No – of course not. Via radio stations and websites the poor mother was crucified, written off as a bad mother who should be arrested. Akin, people said, to the parent who leaves a child outside of a casino all day while they gamble. I was shocked, and fortunately others agreed and added their voice to those who could not believe how ready people were to criticise.

The second incident – reported yesterday, but occurred the night before somewhere in the Northern Territory (note my aim here is not accuracy of the incident but rather the reactions, so fact-checking hasn’t been a priority). A mother, who had a commitment preventing her from picking her child up from the child care centre, requested a relative do so. The relative forgot (or something). The mother arrived home, realised what had happened so returned to the child care centre. No one was there and the place was locked. She somehow (heard or saw) her child still there. Alone. So she broke a window to retrieve her child.

Again, rather than commiserate with the poor mother who would have been worried about her child and wonder how centre staff could have overlooked the child, the web lynch-mob crucified the mother. Amongst the bloggers who were horrified at the centre’s error were a number who vilified the mother for using day care (at all) and for leaving the child in there all day. Some comments indicated that ‘it basically served the mother right for using child care, rather than caring for the child herself’. Of course it set off a debate (again) about working Vs stay-at-home mothers. A debate which will never be resolved.

Finally, today’s media about a pregnant woman, who a bottle-shop attendant suspected of stealing, was asked to show her stomach to prove that she was in fact pregnant, rather than hoarding bottles under the shirt! The woman did so, but later reported the incident.

The comments again have been flying. “How dare the shop assistant ask?” “How stupid for the woman to comply” etc etc.

But, what took the cake was the number of people who commented on the fact that a pregnant woman SHOULDN’T be in the bottle shop or drinking in the first place.

Whoa! Where on earth does that come from. Others equally horrified at such judgement suggested the woman was shopping for a lazy partner or husband; or perhaps had guests coming for dinner; or (as indicated in the article) buying a gift for someone.

I know nothing of any of these people. Perhaps they are / will be bad mothers. Perhaps the pregnant woman is a shop lifter.

My anger and disbelief isn’t because of the car thief, or the child care centre staff, or the shop attendant. It, and the shame I feel, comes from those so ready to judge. Whatever happened to compassion for our fellow man (or women, in this case)?